Romeo & George Gillette -- A Play in Three Acts

We knew it had to happen eventually. At some point, it was inevitable that Elliott Sadler’s PR gurus would finalize the spin on the recent contract debacle, and the Southern Gentleman would have to step into the spotlight and give the media HIS version of events. Yesterday’s annual driver interrogation known as “NASCAR Media Day” turned out to be Sadler’s chance to do some ‘splainin of his own, and the official fan club site has posted the entire interview.

It’s a LOOOONNNNG read!

So… to save my dear readers the time of sifting through the lengthy Emporian saga, replete with Sadlerese redundancy, I’ve taken it upon myself to adapt the situation to a screenplay in Three Acts -- “cliff notes” first-person version for your enjoyment!

“The Reader’s Undigested Version of The Elliott Sadler Contract Interview”

Act I: - GEM Boardroom

George Gillette: “Let’s have a meeting.”
Sadler: “Uh oh!”
#19 Team: “It wasn’t OUR fault!”
George Gillette: “Maybe they’re right. Elliott, shape up or ship out!”

Act II – GEM Boardroom

George Gillette: “Let’s have a meeting.”
Sadler: “Uh oh!”
Geoge Gillette: “I meant what I said in the last meeting.”
Sadler: “Yeah. Right. Anybody seen my passport?”

Act III – Telephone Tag

George Gillette: (ring, ring) “Hello, AJ? Let’s have a meeting!”
AJ: “Lemme call my manager, OK?
AJ (to manager): (ring, ring) “Hey! They want me to drive the #19!”
AJ’s Manager: “OK, I’ll tell the press!”
Press: “OOOOOOOOOoooo!”
Sadler Fans: “AAAAARRRRRGH!”
Sadler Detractors: “Neener, Neener, NEEEEEEEEE-ner!”
Sadler: (ring, ring) “George? You were SERIOUS???”
George Gillette: “Yeppers.”
Sadler: (ring, ring) “Hello, Lawyer? Can they do that?”
Lawyer: “We’ll take care of it.”
Sadler: “OK, and can you get me a new passport?”
McDonalds: (ring, ring) “Hi George! Ixnay on AJ – he doesn’t look cute in funny wigs!”
Best Buy: (ring, ring) “Hi George! Ditto.”
Stanley Tools: (ring, ring) “What they said.”
George Gillette: “OK, we’ll keep Sadler.”

Press: “OOOOOOOOOOoooo!”
Sadler Fans: “YAAAAAAAY!:
Sadler Detractors: “WTF?”
Sadler: “Whew, that was close! Now if I could just find my passport!!!!”

THE END

There. Now wasn’t that easier than reading the whole thing?

Of course, Sadler’s interview does an excellent job of laying down a straight party line and singing Kumbayas with regard to the 2009 season. One thing about the interview stuck in my craw, however. With characteristic repetitiveness, Sadler expressed his unyielding commitment to protecting himself, his team and his sponsors. “Doing what’s best” for those whom Sadler considers the “important” characters in the play is his utmost concern.

But NOTHING is mentioned about his fans. Zilch. Nada.

While not all of Sadler’s fans have been complimentary over the years, the Emporian still has a cadre of loyal (albeit fewer) fans who acted with support and outcry over the possibility of having him absent from the track in 2009. It seems as if Sadler has forgotten the all-important “final act” of his play – the one where he is able to entice, engage, and coerce his fans to go spend their money on those sponsor products! Sadler should realize that his fans are protecting their pocketbooks more fiercely than he is trying to protect his sponsors - and IF it is his “marketability” that saved his job – he should do a better job of looking after those on whom that marketability depends.

So, while the country celebrates a “mandate for change and improvement” next week - just a few miles North of Emporia, VA – here’s hoping that Elliott Sadler and his staff realize that they has a similar mandate – not only to do a better job on the track in 2009, but to improve his relationship with his fans, as well.

(Oh, yeah -- hope you get the passport, E!)