Lemme start by wishing everyone a happy Good Friday!
I live in a world of 2-seaters. BIG 2 seaters! My dear old Ford pickup – “Big Red” - is a GREAT road-trip buggy! As long as it’s a road trip for two! It has something resembling a back seat, but you’d be hard pressed to do any traveling back there unless you’re a hamster. Storage space – that’s what it is. Covered storage space. Dave’s van is the same. Yeah, it’s a huge Ford Van, but it’s one of those “rolling toolbox” vans with cages, shelves, and racks of power tools. NOT fit for travel – but you could build a town with all the stuff he hides in there!
Soooo – this year we decided to rent a suitable vehicle for the Road Trip to TMS and the various side trips needed to pick up folks & baggage at the airport, dining out, tailgating, etc. Gotta be big enuf to hold our squad of loonies AND all the loonie accessories! We got to have our “stuff” y’know! Carlin would be proud!
Timing is everything in vehicle rental-dom. It’s Texas Relay Weekend in Austin and rental vehicles are scarce as hens’ teeth right now. After several persuasive phone calls, my friendly Enterprise guy was able to locate a ride he alleged would be PERFECT for our trip! One problem, tho – it didn’t meet our most important criteria: it was not RED. Oh well, in the spirit of compromise (and desperation), I relented and took a black one. A couple of well placed #19 stickers will take care of that!
“What is it?” I asked.
“An SUV. It’s called an Edge. Ford makes it.” He replied.
“Never heard of an Edge. What’s it look like?” I inquired.
“Like an Explorer!” said my friendly Enterprise dude.
He lied.
After a half an hour of paperwork, identification, verification, payment, DNA sampling and hair follicle testing, I was given the keys to the Explorer look-alike and directed to the garage for “pre-race inspection.” It was there I got my first glimpse of the Ford Edge.
It looks like a belt sander.
This is one UGLY vehicle. If you took half a coconut shell and stuck four big wagon wheels underneath – you’d have an Edge. NO lines. NO personality. It’s so butt ugly it oughta have hair. What’s worse, it looks EXACTLY like every other soccer-mom, amorphous stagecoach on the road. NOTHING distinguishes it from it’s friends. Except that its uglier.
But it IS a big ‘un. Just the right space inside for all our belongings and buddies. With no choice, I accepted the keys and took temporary possession of the monstrosity. Of course, I had to futz around with all the gadgets inside, adjust the seats and wheel, find the A/C and get acquainted with the interior. Not bad – seats are REALLY comfy. I cranked it. Nothing happened. So I turned the key again. KKHGGGGGGAAARRRRRRZZZB! It was already running. Oops! Pretty quiet motor, huh?! (I could feel the Enterprises dude grimace.) Sheepishly, I managed to creep out of the parking garage into the light of day.
Nice steering, pretty tight turning radius for a brick on wheels. I settled in and thanked the cosmos that at least it didn’t DRIVE as hideously as it looked. Other drivers didn’t seem to be pointing and laughing. OK, I’ll give it a bit of a chance to grow on me. Then it dawned on me – I hadn’t yet checked out the Edge’s most important feature: The STEREO. Had a couple of CD’s in the briefcase. (required for REAL Who fans.) Popped in Who’s Next and let ‘er roll!
Have I told you how much I love the new Ford Edge????
Whatever this contraption lacks in looks – it MORE than makes up for in sound! Like being front, dead center at the Met! AND ----- it’ll crank to 11!!! (Spinal Tap fans will grok)! I’m happy! Elated, even! Got tuneage extrordinaire for the road trip!!! What a GREAT vehicle!!
Soooooo… If you see a bunch of happy lunatics dressed in red Sadler race gear riding in a belt sander on I-35 between Austin and DFW – don’t bother to honk. We won’t hear you!!!!
I live in a world of 2-seaters. BIG 2 seaters! My dear old Ford pickup – “Big Red” - is a GREAT road-trip buggy! As long as it’s a road trip for two! It has something resembling a back seat, but you’d be hard pressed to do any traveling back there unless you’re a hamster. Storage space – that’s what it is. Covered storage space. Dave’s van is the same. Yeah, it’s a huge Ford Van, but it’s one of those “rolling toolbox” vans with cages, shelves, and racks of power tools. NOT fit for travel – but you could build a town with all the stuff he hides in there!
Soooo – this year we decided to rent a suitable vehicle for the Road Trip to TMS and the various side trips needed to pick up folks & baggage at the airport, dining out, tailgating, etc. Gotta be big enuf to hold our squad of loonies AND all the loonie accessories! We got to have our “stuff” y’know! Carlin would be proud!
Timing is everything in vehicle rental-dom. It’s Texas Relay Weekend in Austin and rental vehicles are scarce as hens’ teeth right now. After several persuasive phone calls, my friendly Enterprise guy was able to locate a ride he alleged would be PERFECT for our trip! One problem, tho – it didn’t meet our most important criteria: it was not RED. Oh well, in the spirit of compromise (and desperation), I relented and took a black one. A couple of well placed #19 stickers will take care of that!
“What is it?” I asked.
“An SUV. It’s called an Edge. Ford makes it.” He replied.
“Never heard of an Edge. What’s it look like?” I inquired.
“Like an Explorer!” said my friendly Enterprise dude.
He lied.
After a half an hour of paperwork, identification, verification, payment, DNA sampling and hair follicle testing, I was given the keys to the Explorer look-alike and directed to the garage for “pre-race inspection.” It was there I got my first glimpse of the Ford Edge.
It looks like a belt sander.
This is one UGLY vehicle. If you took half a coconut shell and stuck four big wagon wheels underneath – you’d have an Edge. NO lines. NO personality. It’s so butt ugly it oughta have hair. What’s worse, it looks EXACTLY like every other soccer-mom, amorphous stagecoach on the road. NOTHING distinguishes it from it’s friends. Except that its uglier.
But it IS a big ‘un. Just the right space inside for all our belongings and buddies. With no choice, I accepted the keys and took temporary possession of the monstrosity. Of course, I had to futz around with all the gadgets inside, adjust the seats and wheel, find the A/C and get acquainted with the interior. Not bad – seats are REALLY comfy. I cranked it. Nothing happened. So I turned the key again. KKHGGGGGGAAARRRRRRZZZB! It was already running. Oops! Pretty quiet motor, huh?! (I could feel the Enterprises dude grimace.) Sheepishly, I managed to creep out of the parking garage into the light of day.
Nice steering, pretty tight turning radius for a brick on wheels. I settled in and thanked the cosmos that at least it didn’t DRIVE as hideously as it looked. Other drivers didn’t seem to be pointing and laughing. OK, I’ll give it a bit of a chance to grow on me. Then it dawned on me – I hadn’t yet checked out the Edge’s most important feature: The STEREO. Had a couple of CD’s in the briefcase. (required for REAL Who fans.) Popped in Who’s Next and let ‘er roll!
Have I told you how much I love the new Ford Edge????
Whatever this contraption lacks in looks – it MORE than makes up for in sound! Like being front, dead center at the Met! AND ----- it’ll crank to 11!!! (Spinal Tap fans will grok)! I’m happy! Elated, even! Got tuneage extrordinaire for the road trip!!! What a GREAT vehicle!!
Soooooo… If you see a bunch of happy lunatics dressed in red Sadler race gear riding in a belt sander on I-35 between Austin and DFW – don’t bother to honk. We won’t hear you!!!!
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2 comments:
If I see that, I can guarantee that I will run the other way!
Are you going to cover the Ford oval with the Dodge emblem?
Howdy Groover...have a vrooming weekend.
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